yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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