Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
