the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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