There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
