let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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