Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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