Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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