I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
