i jhust puked up my retainher.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
