Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
