Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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