the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
