so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
