Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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