actually, I'm a sock model
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
