also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
