whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
