Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
