Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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