arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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