At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dicks are not precious.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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