sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
