Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hotel room ftw
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
