Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
