If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
