Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
