just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
