He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
