I just pynch a tree in the face
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
