Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to make out with him forever
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
