so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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