If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
