I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
