The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
