So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
