I met the friendliest cop last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize