Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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