Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He? As in you personified your dick?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
