I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
