Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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