We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
