Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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