I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
