i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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