I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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