i wish there were pregnant emoticons
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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