And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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