Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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