I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
