I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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