We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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