You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
