Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
