$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
