i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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