Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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