i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
